Sunday, September 7, 2008

Prompt 28: Defenses Down

Thanks to Nicole Nicholson of Raven's Wing Poetry for this week's prompt, defenses down and for this wonderful poem:


I drank to soften nerves that were
cutting me like unseen knives

at that party, amidst strangers
scared of the face in the mirror

the goody two-shoes, the freak
encased in stone

the stranger

I drank to plow down walls
constructed by a suspicious
upbringing and moral lessons
pounded into a mind

that grabbed onto concepts, oughts,
and shoulds with iron teeth
and pounded them into my flesh

until metal facades were
indistinguishable from my own skin

I tried to drown my walls
in a sea of beer, peach Schnapps,
something faintly tasting like blackberries,
and whatever else I could get
my hands on that night

and my walls, oh my walls

they melted until my eyes
couldn't see straight
and I watched the party ensue
through alcoholic glasses

then she came

she charged into my garden
and stole my fruit

the gate would have stopped her

but it had been washed away
in the stinky fermented tide
of the last beer I downed
before my head began to swim

this is not how walls
should tumble down
a gate washed out to sea
can never be searched and found
in time to stop invading armies
from stealing your treasure

and I guarded mine
for years after that party
behind iron gates harder
than diamonds

and I still hesitate sometimes
to give it away
to the one who deserves it the most

Image: Deviant Art
k k k k k k k

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  1. Very nice, Nicole, you said it like it was! (Only I hope not in reality, that was a sad affair!)
    Mine is in a similar vein, but very simple, yet veiled.

  2. Good prompt that can be taken in many ways. Thanks.

  3. A very strong response to the prompt, Nicole. The story grows freely through your words. The structure ebbs and flows in line with the emotion in the text. You have an ending that forces the full impact of your story upon the reader: emotional fear.

    I like this ...

  4. What a dramatic poem! There is such a powerful force of ominous tragedy in it! And love the artwork you have chosen to complement it!

  5. I really like this Nicole. It's interesting that we used the same metaphore of walls, though in different ways.

  6. Mmmm, powerful poem indeed. Really brings out the importance of letting our defences down on our own terms!

    Here's mine: song of fragility

  7. Looks like this prompt is going to stir up all kinds of things! A Powerful and sad poem. My favorite lines? "...that grabbed onto concepts, oughts, and shoulds with iron teeth and pounded them into my flesh..." That practice would leave a bitter taste in anyone's mouth!

  8. This is my first time posting here. I was a part of One Deep Breath until I needed to take a blogging break... and I am glad to have found this site in its place.
    Nicole- this is a very powerful and brave poem indeed- thanks for sharing it and for the prompt- although I took a much lighter view of things!

  9. Sometimes . . . our defenses are down . . . whether we mean for them to be . . . or not!


    Blessings all,

  10. Just discovered this site. A heart wrenching topic, perhaps, or a subtle opportunity for change.

  11. a great prompt. makes you stop and think.

  12. time is passing so quickly these days... glad i could participate again...

  13. It was a great prompt and I might get to it later but the night before I looked out my front door and saw a half moon. It's image has been lurking in my mind since then. Sorry I just could not help myself.


  14. Put it in two I just wanted to see it out of my head and in print...
    Well I'm off to read.

  15. Wow, is your poem deep. It knocked my socks off. I couldn't even read the whole thing. I will have to come back to it later...

    In other news, your blog is such a cool idea!!!

  16. Read your article, if I just would say: very good, it is somewhat insufficient, but I am

    still tempted to say: really good!
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